Sometimes I ponder, it is way more pleasing to do something you love although the pay you may get is little. What's the point gaji banyak tapi you do the things you dislike and not compassionate. It's torturing somehow. You will be not happy and feel frustrated, devastated and bad about it. So kids, if you love painting, hey just go for it. Don't think about the pay. Who knows you might later become a famous artist and get known from your high profile painting. It is about passion. Passion drives success.
I don't really like my job actually. Perhaps it is too early to judge but I can tell by how others work. I mean the colleagues. And on top of that, I can't mingle well with them too. There's a barrier between us, of course putting age gap aside. I don't know but it is just so hard to blend together with them. The key to a happier working environment is of course the people. If you have a good relationship with the people, then 3 quarter of your problem is just gone. poof.
I have to blame myself as well. I have this trait of mine who is very shy to talk to people. I talk so little. But hey, I did improve. It is just that I can't get to their level, just yet. My manager is okay. She seems nice and understanding. Oh I wish I can slit this side of me yang timid away from me and start to be a new person but I just can't. It sticks hard and clinging well to this body. Oh god. I just want to be little more talkative and you know, socialize with the people. Sometimes, I think it is not just me but the colleagues yang sombong. I did greet some of them and they just abandoned me. Harsh.
I know I have to stay positive and keep on going. That's what I'm doing by the way. Try to smile and put aside all those bad thinkings I have. Look into my eyes and you will see too little room of happiness but enormous amount of sadness. But hey, I have to be strong and keep on going. I don't have many options after all. Sad life of mine, I know. How I wish I can be young once again and start going to school like before. No worklife. Just schooling.