I'm tired. I'm just tired. I don't know how long I can hold. I think I'm not suitable to work at my current place. I'm slow and I don't really understand things. People always say take your time and learn. Honestly, I'm tired. I'm just tired. Sometimes I wonder why I have to be where I am now. It's not that I'm not being grateful. I am grateful. I am very pleased with what I have now. It's just that it doesn't seem right. I don't belong there.
I wish I know what I want to do in life. I wish have talents.. so if I quit now, I can just start moving on. But I don't have those. I'm just being lucky to get what I already have now. I can't lose it. But I'm just too tired. Tired of being lack. Tired of pretending to be interested into things I don't even fancy. I don't know. Where should I go. I wish life is easy. But it is not. I'm shaping my own life. I have to consider a lot of things. I have to think about others feelings as well. I can't be selfish.
Sometimes I just wish to die. But again.. I'm being selfish. How about my family. How about my parents. They will be sad. I'm such a loser.. indeed. I just need to be patient and do my best. I can't just think about myself. But I just lose my strengths. I really need words of motivation to boost up my spirit. To feel eager to go to work everyday instead of tweeting "malasnya" again and again. I need to be strong. But I don't know for how long.
I want to go back to Penang. I want to work there. I want to stay near to my parents so I can take care of them. I appreciate them a lots. I want to pay back what they have given this far. I want to buy them good stuffs. I want to bring them for vacations. I want to treat them for good foods. I just want them to be happy. I can't imagine losing them. I love them so much. I wish I can hold a bit longer so I can pay them back. Allah.. please give me strength. Please guide me.