Sunday, February 21, 2010

This is sad

This is the hardest thing in my life, to lose someone you care about. This is so much bothering me, I love you grandma. I burst into tears alone in the room earlier in the morning. Tok Som has just passed away, the fact that I would deny the most. The pain truth I have to endure.

I have made too many mistakes, wrong doings to her and I'm so disgruntled because she's gone before I could seek for her forgiveness. She lived about 14 months with us. Whenever she asked me to buy her something and I felt reluctant to, I would give excuses. That was bad of me.

Last time, when I last met her during CNY break, she looks weak and lost her appetite. She seems to be quiet than before, she is not talkative like usual. People could tell there's something wrong with her. When I was about to leave home, she asked when will I come back lagi. I said bulan 3. But now, I know I will never meet her again.

And before I could make my move out of her room, she cried and groaning. She's complaining about her condition. I know she must be bored lying on the bed 24 hours. I wish she can walk like before but she just can't. I don't know what to do, just soothing her down and kissed her before I leave home.

Mum's message was a strike. I woke up late this morning and found that there's one unread message. It was shocking when mum said tok has passed away last night. Why mum or dad didn't tell me earlier? I slept at 2.30 am last night, at that time she's already breathless.

The message was sent at 3 am. I was sleeping at that time and just noticed about the message later when I woke up at 10 something in the morning. I gave mum a call but she didn't answer. I asked Kak Yong by messaging her. She said it's true. She's also not at home, she returned back to UiTM earlier yesterday.
Same goes to Bang Jan, he's in Shah Alam. He called me in the morning and marah2 sebab tak tahu about the news. Well, me pun. I just got a simple message. Dik Wan je la yang ade kat rumah. This boy is lucky.

This is so unexpected, I thought I would be able to meet her again in March during the mid sem break but it's too late. She will not be there for me. She leaves us too fast. I want to kiss her for the last time but she was buried at 11 am. I could not make it.

Dad said no need to go home because the funeral is over. Plus, I have classes and presentation this week. So, I decide to go back this Thursday because there'll be no classes on Friday. I'm so disappointed and to this point, I feel awfully guilty. I was not there during her funeral.

I will miss her a lot. She has touched so many lives during her days. A-Fatihah.

Snippet of facebook. Kak Yong told me tok is not in a good condition 2 days before she passed away.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

No remorse!

Taraaaa, I have applied for my intership placement. I choose Intel and Mattel, Intel is familiar, Mattel? I'm sure none of you have heard about this company ever since. Both pun in Penang.
I wanna go for Petronas Dagangan, Khazanah Nasional, Shell Global Solution or Cari Gali but semua pun located in KL. Far away from home and means that the cost of living will be higher. Dah la kena naik public tranport everyday. That's a hassle! Kalau Penang, I can drive to workplace everyday. My mum won't bother much. Whatever it is, I hope it will be a right choice. No remorse later on.

Friday, February 19, 2010

I miss my school days

I don't have the gut to update blog actually however because it's a tedious night and can't help myself from doing the assignments. So, I should start back blogging tonight.

Last time when I went back for Chinese New Year holidays for a short break, I was like gobsmacked to see the real mess at the compound. Omg! This is such an eyesoring view!

There was a clearance since our house in Kepala Batas is under renovation and so, the remaining stuffs have to be taken to this house. Urghh!! But, the best part is when to found some papers and books that I have been longing for, it is such a reminiscent of my school's life. Awesome!

I found this! My Folio Bahasa Melayu. It was 5 years back when I was in Form 4. Cantik kan my folio, semangat sangat buat folio colour2 macam ni dulu.

Then I found my add math's exercise answer paper. Wah, rindunye..and together with it, there is Payeh's paper. Alamak, macam mane boleh sesat ni? Ahahaha, kantoi lah selalu pinjam jawapan dia kan. Lama tak tengok tulisan budak ni, lebar2 tulisan dia macam orangnye jugak la kan, muahaha

Next, I found this. The graph I used to make every time I got my test papers back. This one mase sekolah rendah, that's why it looks real ugly. Bad handwriting!

Gali2 lagi and jumpa segala test papers. This one subjek Bahasa Melayu time form 4 or 5 entah, tak ingat. The interesting part is, I just got 6 marks over 30 for rumusan. Ingat tak paper 2 kan ade rumusan dulu. Bodoh sangat nih, sampai dapat 6 over 30. Wahhhh! hahaha

Tengok cikgu Khalijah dah marah, siap tulis, "Degil!! tidak lebih 120 patah perkataan". Tapi kan, lepas tu afterwards..for rumusan terus skor okk.

Taraaa..dapat 28 over 30 for rumusan, yeayyy!

Ini adalah test paper kimia. Ye, sangat teruk! dapat half je. Saye memang bengap kimia. Setiap kali test range2 mesti dalam tu lah. Owhhh, bencii!

Lepas tu jumpa buku seeds. Budak MRSM Gerik tahu lah pasal ni, a kind of english program lah kirenye dimana bila certain time tengah belajar dalam kelas, tiba2..ade minah salleh speaking. Itu adalah suara tape! And mase tape dipasang, semua kena listen betol2 okk. Faham kan. Tiap2 hari pun macam tu, bosann2 tapi sekarang saye rindu suara tape yang vogue tu.

Lepas tu lagi, I found this novel Konserto Terakhir yang used time Form 5 dulu. Dah lame cari, at last jumpa jugak. I want to read it for another time. Gila best okk cite dia, sangat sedih! Sekarang still cari novel Meniti Kaca time Form 1 tapi tak jumpa, huhh.

Selongkar2 lagi and I found this one! Wahhhh, buku Petua Nenek. I was in Standard Five when I'm interested to paste the Petua Nenek snippets in the newspaper into the exercise book. Banyak la jugak, macam2 petua ada. Cerahkan kulit, hilangkan jerawat, hilangkan kutu, lebatkan rambut n tambah susu badan. Yang last tu macam tak perlu je, muahahaha.

Lepas tu jumpa jugak my notepad kesayangan yang banyak nota2 penting simpan kat situ. Yang bestnye, ade mandarin words sekali dalam tu yang Shean ajar dulu2..Shean, wo xiang jian zai zuo shen me? miss u, sing kan paw pei!

Friday, February 12, 2010

It was bad

It was bad, I know..tskk..I could tell by my stiff moves. It was embrassing and horrible. I always thought I can do everything. I can do this and I can do that. Yesterday has taught me a valuable lesson that I am not good at this, dancing.

I thought dancing is not that hard, just soften your body, make your moves and everything will come along. Only now, I learn it needs more than that. Went to audition last night for the UTP Performing Art Group or best known as UPAG. They are looking for dancers.

The intention was to accompany Syafril for the audition, but then those existing UPAG dancers asked me to try. I always want to join this kind of dancing thingy, but I never got a chance. And so, from just watching Syafril, I better go along with the audition.

Nahh, this guy teaches me the steps of dancing, zapin and joget. It was tough, for a first timer like me. I kept asking him, "macam mane tadi?", "lepas ni macam mane?", "macam ni ke?" Luckily, he is patient enough, if not he would slaps me right away.

Owhh, I am slow at this, crawling to catch up the steps, lembab. It was quite absurd to go along with steps while the music is turned on. I don't have any experience in dancing like Syafril, it was easier for him to learn the steps as he already knows the basic moves of zapin, joget and etc.

When the audition started, everything turned to be even more worse. Tunggang terbalik, malu gila kot. I always want to be a dancer but perhaps I don't have the talent eventhough the guy who teaches me the steps keep telling me, "tak pe, diorang (the existing dancers) pun dulu macam ni jugak".

But I'm sure no one has starts their way that bad like I was. Owhh, I should have just accompany Syafril instead of taking part. But at least now I know my capability. Confirm2 la tak dapat audition semalam gila teruk kot. Bersepah habis.

advice of the day: never expect that you can do everything
when finally learn that you are good at nothing.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Ini tak boleh, Itu tak boleh..Habis tu ape yang boleh?

Geramnye bile tengah bosan macam ni, lepas tu terfikir nak download few songs and lepas click few times, tetibe keluar benda alah ni, "internet policy violation". Entah kenapa la nak block2 benda ni, bukannye filthy pun. Sakitnye hati, owhh..So, sekarang nak buat ape? Esok Isnin, ade kelas..owh tidak! Spare me more time please..tapi this Friday balik for CNY..owh suka!!!!!

Friday, February 5, 2010

The unwelcomed guy

Cilaka! haram jadah betol. Ko ingat ko tu hebat sangat la eh. Sakit hati tahap gaban ni, I'm so pissed off. My mood is ruined in a splash, my night is such a bleak. This is all because of this guy.

You shouldn't come to interrupt me just now.

You don't have the right. You have just killed my passion for tennis, a big congrates!! I'm quitting. Out of a sudden je datang dari entah celah mane and interrupting my match. It was such satu tamparan hebat i would say. Ade aku kenal ko anyway?

Guy: (Tanpa bg salam or greeting) Dah lame main tennis?
Me: (I was about to say that I'm in this since in form 2 but I know something was not right so I lied) Hmm..baru jugak la
Guy: Ooo, salah tu adik main tadi. Cara pegang pun salah
Me: (I was like.....speechless) Huhh
Guy: (Grabbed my racquet and show the right way of playing) Macam ni cara nak main yang betol ( After about 10 minutes of demo, he passed the racquet back to me)

I could only nodded all the time whenever he told me the 'skill'. He is older than me, I should respect him anyway. He must has the experience kan. But honestly, I don't feel comfortable. I feel awkward all of a sudden thinking who's this guy anyway?

While I was playing, his eyes were on me. When I hit like this, he said, , "salah tu, tu macam main badminton" and when I hit like that, he said, "salah tu, tu macam main ping pong". Babi betol. Sakit hati sangat, dia tu memang teror habis la kot, nak komen orang ikut suka hati.

Dah tu bawa anak2 dia sampai 4 orang tengok aku main, entah ape la budak2 tu dok mengumpat kat belakang tu. Lepas tu ade la pulak budak sorang ni dok join sekaki tengok kan. Ingat ni show ape? Lady Gaga??? Haa??? It was a longest and embrassing 1o minutes of my life. Cilaka!

Lepas tu, terus lesap entah pergi mane. But I noticed he has a badminton racquet together with him. Pelik betol, tetibe je datang court tennis merely to critic me? He's spying on me kot earlier.
Whatever it is, you have ruined my day. That's it!

p/s: tetibe je meeda gtalk tanye "ok ke tak, jangan la marah2".. "ko pergi la buang air besar, buang toksin semua, nanti ok la tu" . I could only bear to laugh, ape kaitan buang air besar?concern la pulak minah ni kan

Thursday, February 4, 2010

It's Friday!

Omg! macam tak percaye that I'm going for intern this June. Cepatkan mase, rase macam foundation lagi, feeling2 muda baru lepas SPM kan..tup, tup..dah nak going for training. Cuak2, make things easy for me, God.

And the hunt for the new layout is officially off, sob2..malas dah nak buang masa cari layout baru. Ade je masalah, tak support ini lah, tak support itu lah..Tak boleh letak widgets banyak2 lah, and so..nah, layout lame! hahaha, problem solved.

thought of the day: kenape perlu mempercayai

yang baru sedangkan yang lama lebih memahami?

we know parents since we were born,

we know friends since our childhood,

so, why prominating friends more than parents?

think of that, bye..get to go!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

It is cancelled!!!

Everything happened for reasons kan. Owh geram ni, sakit hati pun ade. Penat je ok datang meeting, dari last semester kot and discuss itu discuss ini but at the end the event is cancelled. Ni yang malas nak join event2 ni, entah ape2 je la..may be it's my bad kot sebab choose to join event2 yang kecil2 macam ni. Next time kena pilih yang mega2 kot, baru la confirm tak cancel.

Pelik2, how could this happen ye. Tapi tak pe la, nak buat macam mane kan, I got another event to go in March. Kalau yang ni pun cancel, aku tak tahu lah nak buat apa. Gila meroyan la gamaknye. Owhh, tak pe la sebab diorang cakap there will be an appreciation night for committees2 yang malang ni. Let's wait and see.

my thought: pengaruh itu sangat penting.
kalau tak de pengaruh, susah betol nak join event kat sini.
semua orang pun pilih member masing2
jadi committee. Interview just sebagai syarat.
Entah ape2..